F-SPIN: THE SCOOP - Week 2
Written by Larry Walden and Rally Ranger(Wanna submit a story for THE SCOOP? Drop us a message and let us know!
www.furaffinity.net/user/itsamadworld919)
The Troubles of the Team BusesNEW YORK CITY – It seemed to be the weekend of bus troubles for many teams around the UFFL, but – as far as how things went in the past, referring to the nasty incidents in 2010 following the announcement of the closing of the league – there have been worse problems.
The North Florida Renegades’ bus ride into eastern New York City took longer than expected due to heavy traffic. As a result, the team did not arrive until approx. 11:30 AM EST – Only giving a half-hour for the team to dress up, exercise, and go through their pre-game rituals. Despite a 15-minute game start delay, the Renegades performed poorly and lost the game to the strong New York team.
In addition, the Fargo Axemen were scared silly after Bald Eagles fans attempted to tip over the bus after a controversial win in Easton. The incident prevented departure and local police had to be called in to escort the bus and control the rowdy fans.
The Commissioner has yet to comment on the issues.
Bernard Randolph: The Kickoff KingEASTON – Each player will have their good games, and their bad games. Some are lucky enough to have record-breaking games. Bernard Randolph, a masked palm civet and backup Running Back for the Fargo Axemen, took it a step further. Many steps further.
Randolph set a league record against the Easton Bald Eagles on Sunday when he returned four kickoffs for touchdown – demolishing the record of two, which has been tied three times, most recently in 2002.
“My mind was on nothing else today. I really wanted to return one – and thankfully my guys opened up the holes for me to run through. I like running … I guess?” said Randolph.
Coach Kathryn Pellot was glowing at the post-game conference.
“Bernie’s got me happier than a squirrel with a nut!”
Bernard Randolph and the Axemen take on the Baltimore Ponies on September 14.
Roy Dejesus Rips Ramblers ApartHOUSTON – The league sat up from their chairs and tuned into the news last Sunday, when Quarterback Roy Dejesus (Chimpanzee) (formerly of the Texas Ramblers) was subsequently cut from the team after posting an abysmal five interceptions in one game. Although some players perform extremely poorly on occasion, the “one-chance” attitude had Dejesus flamed in a conference on Monday, September 8, from the news station near his home in Houston.
“I’ve been playing football since 2010. I know how to play. I’ve proven myself. But apparently Texas thinks otherwise…. [sic] I’m glad to be out of there.”
Texas filled their sudden hole at quarterback by signing free agent rookie Andrew Calder (Pine Marten), who was wide-eyed and eager to play in his first game versus the Downriver Waves on Sunday.
Despite the brevity of Dejesus’ run at Texas, he will be more likely remembered for his mistakes than his successes in the unforgiving league restart. Texas plans to move forward with Calder, who showed his athleticism, skill, and intelligence on the field. Whereas Dejesus strictly played the quarterback position through all of college, Calder (a Biology major) also doubled as a running back, and a forward in soccer.
Dons Player Expected of SabotageLOS ANGELES – Late Monday evening, news outlets started reporting that Linebacker Abe Whitney (Indiana Bat) of the California Dons has been charged with 2 counts of sabotage when an unknown source from Baltimore reported that Whitney was selling game strategy plans to the Ponies for cash rewards. Whitney’s lawyer, as well as representatives from California and Baltimore both declined to comment on the matter until further investigation.
Joe Bowers Goes BonkersLOS ANGELES – The escapades continued in Los Angeles and the striped mania known as Joe Bowers (QB – Tiger) of the Dons started against the Abilene Lancers. Despite a Dons win, Bowers left the game in the fourth quarter with a nasty concussion. Post-game analysts declared he would be out for at least a week, pending further results. The injury comes one week after lead Dons QB Darnell Paige (Swift fox) left the game with a similar head injury. Paige has been cleared to play next week.
Bowers took to social media later in the day, claiming he had gone out later in the night for a Las Vegas spree, but these reports were unconfirmed. Further talks about aliens and tin foil plagued the tiger’s feed, prompting concern over the mental condition of the beloved quarterback. Fellow rookie linebacker Artemis Griner stepped in until a team doctor could be brought in to safely guide Bowers back to the team health facilities.
Trent Velazquez Kicks… A Fan?TALLAHASSEE – The Renegades’ Trent Velazquez, a 3-year veteran and 6’4’’ American Black Bear, was suspended for one week of play after Week 1, in what is reported as a major incident involving kicking the face of a female muskrat fan. Reporters say Velazquez, who was leaving the stadium in Tallahassee on Sept. 1, was approached by a fan post-practice who ridiculed persisted to harass Velazquez for his weight issues and inability to kick. Velazquez preceded to kick the fan’s head from under the chin upwards, much like the proper stance of a punt, thereby knocking the fan unconscious. Velazquez voluntarily called the police and turned himself in thereafter.
Velazquez will return to practice this week, but is required to attend four weeks of anger management classes set in place by UFFL management.
Jamie Hodges, who usually plays in the Punter position, was called in off the bench to replace Velazquez. Hodges struggled in the unfamiliar spot, making only one of four field goals in the loss versus New York.
Safety First?DALLAS – Injuries happen. But, according to Irvin Colbert (Texas – Offensive Lineman – Lizard/Alligator), who ended his season after suffering a tibia fracture in the game opener, thinks that more proper measures should be in place to prevent such dangerous injuries.
“I understand the whole predator thing. I can snap someone’s arm clear off with my jaw. I get it. But, we need to penalize players for making such nasty hits like that on other players. There’s just gotta be a stronger reaction to it.”
Some concerns have been raised, but nothing has been done yet on the frequency and severity of injuries in the league. Although UFFL management declined to comment on the matter, several team managers have stepped forward and said they expect a change to come.
Head Coach Erinia of the Las Vegas Bandits reacted critically to the current process. “We can understand freak injury chances, but it’s going to kill everyone on the team if this keeps happening as often as it does!”
An official statement is expected later in the week.
From Coby to KelleyLAS VEGAS - In her debut game against New York, Kelley Rowe and rookie teammate Coby Carson proved to be worthy of the teams as they shared the most tackles of the game. However, they fell short as the Titans defeated the Bandits 28-10. Rowe said that she is just excited to be a part of the UFFL and that she got a chance to play the first week. But she knows that she will train harder to keep the offense back for the second week as the Chicago Outlaws visit them for the second week. Outlaws vs. Bandits; this will be fun on its own.
As far as settling in Las Vegas, she managed to obtain an apartment with the help from her agent while gaining a vehicle on her own. While the Vegas atmosphere draws attention to itself, Kelley has managed not to succumb to the parties yet unlike her teammate Carson. However, she did make herself known to the public when she had to interrupt the fennec with a swift tackle as he made a tirade through social media.
www.dropbox.com/s/8pcdkb0qisjr0k7/Coby%20Carson.pdf?dl=0